HCWC: Listen, Believe, Support – Supporting Survivors Of Sexual Assault

By: Bobbi Yanoviak, BSW – HCWC Sexual Assault Community Advocate

Many friends, family, and loved ones often question how they can help their loved ones cope with the effects of a sexual assault.

As someone who cares deeply for the survivor, it is difficult to watch them go through the trauma and difficulties following a sexual assault. You may be asking yourself “What can I do to help?”

Listen and Believe

Bring it back to the basics: listen and believe your loved one. The most powerful thing you can do is believe that the assault happened. Listening to the story and feelings of the survivor without any input or advice allows the survivor to unload their thoughts and feelings about the assault.

Try your best to avoid “why” questions and investigating what happened. The most important thing you can do to help is to listen and believe.

Just Say “No!” to Victim Blaming

Let the survivor know that what has happened to them is not their fault. Blaming the survivor for the trauma will only further their feelings of shame and guilt about what has happened to them.

Remind your loved one that they are not to blame for the assault. It is important for you to not cast judgment on the survivor and allow them to process in their own way. There is nothing they could have done that warrants a sexual assault.

Normalize Their Response to the Trauma

Some common feelings the survivor may experience are shame, guilt, depression, embarrassment, powerlessness, anxiety, fear, and denial.

It is incredibly valuable for you to normalize and accept these feelings. A good way to normalize their feelings is by making a statement such as, “it is totally normal for you to feel like this after what happened to you, let me know what I can do to help.”

Let the Survivor Make Their Own Decisions

One of the most common feelings a survivor may feel after a sexual assault is powerlessness. It is critical for the survivor to make their own decisions, especially about how to proceed after the assault.

Do not try to force the survivor to report the assault to police or seek out help from a crisis center. Instead, talk to them about their options and let them know you’re there if and when they are ready to take further steps.  

Practice Self-Care

If you’re having difficulty coping with what has happened to your loved one, seek out help. It’s also a great idea to practice self-care.

Some great self-care activities are exercise, journaling, reading, cooking, spending time with friends (and not discussing the assault), watching a favorite movie, and getting a good night’s sleep.

It is important to take care of yourself while helping someone through a difficult time. It is a good idea to include the survivor in your self-care plan and promote the benefits of self-care to them.

We know that all of us are focused on the current COVID-19 crisis and adjusting to all the changes that it has brought to everyone. HCWC has made significant adjustments as we continue to respond to the needs of local victims of abuse. They need us even more now and part of our responsibility is to advocate and educate on their behalf. April is both Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Awareness month. This article is the second article of a four-week series focusing on raising awareness about sexual assault and child abuse. 2 in 5 women and 1 in 5 men will experience a form of sexual assault in their lifetime.

Hays-Caldwell Women’s Center (HCWC) offers free and confidential services to local victims of family violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and child abuse. During this time of social distancing, HCWC continues to provide emergency services such as emergency shelter, hospital response, and child forensic interviews. We are now providing Distance Direct Services including counseling and advocacy provided via secure, confidential video or phone services. Call our 24-hour HELPLine at (512)396-4357 for more information.