Letter To The Editor: February Is Dating Violence Awareness Month

When we think of any relationship violence, we most often are thinking of physical violence among partners, but there are a litany of verbal and emotional behaviors that can…

February is Dating Violence Awareness Month, a time to recognize that the most troubling behaviors and crimes we see among older adults that are married or have children together, also happen to many young people.

It is important to talk to young people about healthy and unhealthy relationships and ways to avoid some of those problematic actions before they escalate into something more serious or violent.

The prevention team at Hays-Caldwell Women’s Center works with teens and love to talk to them about relationships that they (or their friends) have, and we quickly learn that young people love to talk about it too!

However, we are only with students for about an hour per week, and many of the youth we work with say that they do not have conversations with their parents or caregivers about relationships, but show an interest in wanting to. We know that having these types of talks can be awkward, for BOTH of you, so we have a few tips to start the conversation.

First, check in with yourself. Figure out what you believe about roles in a partnership, about young people dating (and your experiences dating when you were younger), and what you might be uncomfortable talking about. Then, understand that young people are constantly receiving messages about relationships – messages that support healthy, unhealthy, and abusive behaviors in relationships.

You have a huge impact on shaping the worldview of your teen, and helping them filter out the negative messaging they may be receiving. They might disagree with you on some things, but that’s okay. The important thing is that you are actually talking, instead of leaving all of the education to the internet and their peers.

If you have reservations about your teen dating at all, it’s okay to tell them so, but be mindful of shutting conversations down. If young people feel that they will only be punished for dating, they won’t want to come to you if there is a serious problem in their relationship, or even violence. Again, the goal is to keep the lines of communication open!

A good strategy to start talking about dating violence or unhealthy relationships is to ask them about their friends’ relationships. This can take the pressure off talking about themselves, which can definitely be embarrassing if you’re just starting these conversations.

Know that up to 1 in 3 young people are experiencing some form of dating violence, and are far more likely to go to a friend for help than an adult. Many youth recognize that unhealthy behaviors are happening in their friends’ relationships and often times want to help.

Are there people at school who constantly break up and get back together? Did a friend recently get a new partner and stop talking or hanging out with your child to spend all their time with the new beau?

These are some warning signs, or red flags, that you can start talking through. When we think of any relationship violence, we most often are thinking of physical violence among partners, but there are a litany of verbal and emotional behaviors that can be used to control someone long before any physical violence occurs.

Join us in having these conversations all month long. Our theme for the month is “Healthy Me, Healthy We,” built around the idea that we are all worthy of love that builds us up in healthy ways – including the love we show ourselves. This is also Break the Cycle’s theme for the month, a national organization focused on ending relationship violence.

Visit their website breakthecycle.org for resources on recognizing and working through abuse, and the role self-love plays in healthy relationships. Love is Respect is another great resource aimed directly at young people that includes quizzes, articles, and resources for parents and educators.

You can visit their website loveisrespect.org for information about talking to your child about relationships.

“Wear Orange Day” is Tuesday, February 13th. Start conversations in your community by wearing orange to raise awareness about dating violence and spread the message that everyone deserves a healthy relationship.