Living Outside the Lines: “A Mother’s Day Postmortem”

by, Becky J Miller

Another Mother’s Day has come and gone. Like many other family centric holidays, no doubt what is generally a joyous occasion for most, can be a heartbreaking experience for others.

As a young adult I began really looking at Mother’s Day and how American’s observe the holiday. Part of me always wondered if the celebration was created by Hallmark simply to generate guaranteed revenue spikes. I am happy to report that Hallmark, while certainly a benefactor of said holiday, is completely innocent of any nefarious behavior.

According to history.com, “The American incarnation of Mother’s Day was created by Anna Jarvis in 1908 and became an official U.S. holiday in 1914.” Interestingly,

“Jarvis would later denounce the holiday’s commercialization and spent the latter part of her life trying to remove it from the calendar.” Things that make you go, “hmmm…”

Motherhood is not for the faint hearted and while I agree that mothers not only deserve a day for themselves and recognition for their sacrifices I would prefer a more organic approach. Why does it take a special day to tell Mom how much she means to us? When my kids go out of their way to do something meaningful for me, it has so much more impact than when they do it because it’s “expected.”

The way most churches recognize mothers bothers me as well. Traditionally gifts are given to the oldest mother, youngest mother, and mother with the most children.  So if a woman does not fit into one of those categories, she walks away empty handed. Naturally the youngest mother changes from year to year, but quite often the “oldest and most children” categories are repeat benefactors.

What about the others? The women who desire children but are unable to conceive? The women who are estranged from their children? The women whose children are deceased? The women who have endured either adoption or abortion? The women who are not only childless but have severed ties with their own mothers through death or dysfunction? For these women the pain of this day could be unbearable. Where do they go for comfort?

Taking all the unknowns of Mother’s Day into consideration, at our church, we decided to have all of the children toddler through teenager present flowers to every single woman post-high school age because we believe all women should be celebrated.

In conclusion I would like to borrow some eloquent sentiments from Amy Young’s guest contribution on the timewarpwife.com blog:

To those who gave birth this year to their first child – we celebrate with you 

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you 

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you 

To those who experienced loss though miscarriage, failed adoptions or running away – we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things.  We don’t mean to make this harder than what it is 

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms and spiritual moms – we need you 

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate you

To those who have disappointment, heartache and distance with your children – we sit with you 

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience 

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

For those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

For those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

For those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren – yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

For those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

For those who placed children up for adoption – we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

For those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising – we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day we walk with you.  Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst.  We remember you.

Thank you, Amy. I could not have said it better myself.

Until Next Time,

Becky J Miller

“Warrior Princess”