Living Outside The Lines: Dear Aveeno, I Want a Refund!

The hunt for the mystical age reversing powers continues in 2017, just in a different form. Today, we cling to youth via hair dyes to cover our gray and magic potions in the form of anti-wrinkle creams.

By, Becky J Miller

Mark Twain is credited with having said, “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.” In theory, it seems a nice sentiment, but in practical application, I’m not so sure how that would work. I mean, when is going backwards ever a good idea?

Nevertheless, clinging to youth seems inherent to our human nature. The mythical Fountain of Youth became legendary around the 5th century BC when the Greek historian Herodotus referenced Macrobian waters that gave people of the region exceptionally long life spans. The legend was proliferated by Alexander the Great in the 4th century AD, King Prester John in the 11th and 12th centuries AD, and via similar stories that were retold in the Carribean, Canary Islands, Polynesia and England.

The hunt for the mystical age reversing powers continues in 2017, just in a different form. Today, we cling to youth via hair dyes to cover our gray and magic potions in the form of anti-wrinkle creams. In 2013, the anti-aging market was estimated to be worth 122.3 billion dollars! By 2019, that amount is expected to increase to 191.7 billion, which is more than the entire gross national income of some developing countries. For example, in 2016 Haiti’s GNI was 19.46 billion.

Carly Simon’s 1972 Grammy award winning song declared, “You’re So Vain” and well, based on those numbers I would say she was definitely onto something. Whether we willingly admit it or not, most of us are guilty of a little vanity when it comes to maintaining our personal appearance, which is exactly why I’m seeking a refund for my Aveeno purchase.

At this stage in our lives, my husband does most of the grocery shopping, to include buying beauty essentials for me. You know, the standard “must haves” like shampoo, conditioner, hair spray, mousse, moisturizer, and so on.

When it comes to moisturizer, while I shy away from generic, I’m not extremely fussy about brands. I simply put the desired item on our grocery list and whatever my husband comes home with is usually fine. Currently keeping my skin plump and firm is Aveeno Active Naturals positively radiant daily moisturizer with sunscreen.

Do you want to know why he chose Aveeno? No, It wasn’t on sale nor did he have a coupon. Aveeno ended up in the grocery cart because, well, Jennifer Aniston is the brand spokesperson. I understand. She’s almost 50 yet still rich, beautiful and has an attractive figure. I thought his reasoning was comical, I mean, after all, isn’t that why Aveeno hired her? To sell their product? #welldone

Herein lies the problem though. To the slick marketers of Aveeno; my bottle is almost empty and yet I’m no closer to being Jennifer Aniston than I was before I began using your product. I honestly did not expect to actually become her, but the implication is that perhaps, by using the product my life might somehow mimic hers. It doesn’t.

There are no additional zeros in my bank account, my body shape has not improved and there’ve been no requests for me to star in any movies or hawk any products because of my newfound beauty. #beautyproductfail

So, what do you say Aveeno? How about that refund???

Until Next Time,

Becky J Miller ~ Warrior Princess

Becky J Miller is a contributor and is exclusive to SM Corridor News. You can read more of Becky’s columns in Lifestyle.