Living Outside The Lines: Dear Santa, I’ve been A Good Girl

By, Becky J Miller

Dear Santa,

How is the North Pole?  Colder than Texas, I’m sure. I hope you don’t think me naughty for writing to you before Thanksgiving? When is the proper time to send you a letter anyhow? I figure the sooner I make my requests known, the better chances I’ll have of finding everything I desire under my tree on Christmas morning.

I bet you chuckled when you saw my “good girl” claim, but honest, I promise, I’ve tried really hard. I mean, no one is perfect, but surely the scales are tipped in my favor?? If not, what must I do to ensure my spot on the nice list?  I don’t like coal and switches. I much prefer shoes and jewelry!! 

My list isn’t too extravagant and shouldn’t be too terribly difficult for you to fill. Well…you may have to allow me two helpings of Christmas magic instead of just one. It’s okay though, my little sister is always naughty, so I’ll have her portion too.  She won’t mind, I’m sure. 

Deep breath. Here we go. Are you ready? The list is numbered in no particular order because they all are vitally important to me.

1. Please make my co-workers stop stealing my parking space when I’m either running a bit later than normal, or I leave for lunch. Come on now, I’ve parked in the same place for five years! By now, everyone should know the spot is mine.

2. Could I please have fabulous ab muscles? You know the kind I mean. Never mind that I like to eat Swedish Fish, Sour Patch Kids and jellybeans. You may also disregard the fact that my 50^th birthday is coming soon. I really want those abs!!

3. Can stupid people please stop asking me stupid questions? The kind of questions that force me to grit my teeth before I answer so that my sassy little mouth doesn’t say something my, oh so mature, self will regret later?

4. A cook and cleaning lady would be superb, oh and a personal trainer too. If you can get all three rolled into one, that would be even better, less chances for stupid questions like, “why are you eating carbs and sugar, and are you trying to start a dust bunny farm?”

5. An all expenses paid vacation to somewhere tropical along with a brand new Victoria’s Secret swim suit model body to go with the trip would be outstanding!

6. Remember that $50,000 diamond wedding ring I spied in the Sam’s catalog? That’s doable, right???

7. Unlimited shopping sprees to my favorite stores; Buckle, Shi, and Kendra Scott. Shopping helps me de-stress after answering all the stupid people questions. Even if folks stop asking those questions, there is still much recovery that needs to take place.

8. I would like the Dallas Cowboys to win the Superbowl, the Dallas Mavericks to take the NBA Finals, the Texas Rangers to win the World Series, and Clemson Tigers to take the National Championship. And of course I need all the swag to accompany these victories, and box seats to the events.

9. Can you please help me achieve my goal of running a 5-minute mile just like the professional, elite runners? Never mind that they train 24/7 and have Uber healthy diets, I don’t need that kind of stress in my life, just the pay off without all the work.

10. Last, if you could make me a best selling author, that would a dream come true! Granted, I’ve not even finished the first chapter of my book, but you’re Santa, you’ve got this! I believe in you.

Well, sir, it looks like you have a lot of ground to cover and not much time, so I will not keep you any longer. 

Oh, oh, one last thing, can you wrap my presents in Wonder Woman paper???  Please??? Thanks. 

Love,

Becky J Miller

“Warrior Princess”