Living Outside The Lines: S Is For Splinter

Come on y’all, I’ve see grown-ups scream and cry simply because tweezers or a needle are within breathing distance of the impacted area.

Becky J Miller | Exclusive to Corridor News

Dictionary.com defines the word “splinter” this way: “A small, thin, sharp piece of wood, bone or the like, split or broken off from the main body.” What it should say is, “A microscopic sliver of any foreign particle, barely visible to the naked eye, that uninvitingly embeds itself deep within the skin fibers of an unsuspecting victim causing a curse invoking, bullet biting type of agony.”

Splinters are excruciatingly painful. Splinters make grown men cry. Splinters may induce fits of rage. Splinters are unavoidable. Splinters can strike anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

But don’t just take my word for it! A scientific explanation of “splinter” reads, “Soft tissue foreign bodies are frequently a result of penetrating or abrasive trauma and can result in substantial discomfort, deformity, complications involving localized and systemic infection, and further trauma during removal.”  “A splinter sounds fun”, said no one. Ever.

Although I am not really big of New Year’s Resolutions, “splinter avoidance” should perhaps top everyone’s list! Do not fear, there is good news; most splinters are easily removed at home without causing infection. #yay

This is a complete Beckyism, but I believe closing one’s eyes while the offending particle is removed lessens the severity of the pain. Come on y’all, I’ve see grown-ups scream and cry simply because tweezers or a needle are within breathing distance of the impacted area.

Splinter removal does not require a medical degree which means we can all save ourselves the doctor’s office co-pay if we are fortunate enough to locate a friend or family member willing to inflict us with bodily pain. Sounds easy enough, yes?

Once a pseudo splinter-removing expert is located, they should follow these simple steps: 

1) Wash hands well with soap and water.

2) Grasp the end of the splinter with clear tweezers and gently pull (why they must be clear rather than tinted tweezers is unknown).

3) If the splinter is embedded in the skin, clean a needle with alcohol and make a small hole in the skin over the end of the splinter.

4) Lift the splinter with the tip of the needle until it can be grasped with the tweezers and pulled out.

5) Do not wet or soak the splinter, it will be harder to remove.

6) After splinter is removed, clean the wound and watch for signs of infection.

See? #easypeasy

So, there you have it, everything you ever needed to know about splinter removal, but don’t take my word for it, after all, this column is no way intended to replace the sound medical advise of an actual doctor. #forentertainmentpurposesonly

Until Next Time,
Becky J Miller
“Warrior Princess”

Becky J Miller is a contributor and is exclusive to SM Corridor News. You can read more of Becky’s columns in Lifestyle.