Living Outside The Lines: The Agony Of Defeat

By, Becky J Miller

No one likes to lose. It hurts.  Some of us react to the disappoint of losing much like the school child on the playground who didn’t get picked for whatever game everyone is playing; we walk off kicking the dirt and calling everyone names.  Some go home crying to Momma expecting her to step in and rescue us. Some of us retreat to our corners never to be heard from again. And some of us learn to accept losing with dignity and grace, understanding there are lessons to be learned and changes to implement. 

It wasn’t until I entered my adult years that I realized my somewhat competitive nature.  Most of the time my competition is solely with myself.  Like college for instance; after earning a 4.0 my first semester at Texas State, I realized my potential and set a goal to graduate Summa Cum Laude, which I did.  The only mark on my otherwise perfect academic record was the “B” I made in Astronomy. 

Competition with self is relatively easy because you control all the parameters, while competition with others is totally unpredictable.  I don’t really like competitions against others, though because losing those battles makes me feel really bad about myself.  Naturally, I think my story is the best, don’t we all, so when others have a differing opinion, it can be painful.

Lately, my defeat has centered on the world of running.  Every year Runner’s World magazine features an everyday person on their cover. In addition to being featured on the magazine’s cover, the individual chosen gets an all expenses paid trip to New York during the New York City Marathon, a prize package from Toyota and $750 worth of Brooks apparel and running shoes.  Thinking my story of recovery from a broken neck was newsworthy; I entered this year’s contest.  I really wanted all the Brooks apparel, that’s my favorite brand of running shoe.  Sadly, I did not even make it into the finals.  Big sigh.

The next wave of disappointment came from not being selected as a Divas Ambassador.  There’s a race series run across the states and Puerto Rico called the Divas Half Marathon and 5K.  The Texas race of the series takes place in Galveston this spring.  In exchange for promoting the race, ambassadors get free entry and all kinds of really cool swag.  I applied, twice, and you guessed it, not chosen, again.  I really wanted that Divas tank and half zip technical jacket.  Disappointed once more. I was sure my beckyjmiller branding on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, this column and my blog would ensure victory.  I was wrong. 

And next, there’s the Stiletto’s running brand.  Ever heard of it? Yeah, me neither so I was sure, again, that I stood a shot at becoming a brand ambassador for a start-up company.  Wrong another time.  By now I am convinced that there is no sure thing, which, no doubt, some of you sitting and nodding your heads, already knew. 

So what is my point here?  I can choose to allow these disappointments to color my life and make me bitter, or I can choose to learn and continue on.  What do I learn? Well, I can learn that I won’t always win.  I can learn that quitting never leads to victory.  I can learn that losing doesn’t have to keep me from the things I love.  I’ll still read Runner’s World magazine, and maybe I’ll try again to be the cover search winner next year.  I am still running the Diva Half in Galveston this spring, and I’m gonna ROCK that tutu and tiara!  Maybe I will even come home with a race PR!  (personal record for the non-running community)

The point here; defeat is part of life.  We can learn from it or we can become embittered by it.  The choice is ours to make!  Choose wisely.

Until Next Time,

Becky J Miller

“Warrior Princess”