Living Outside the Lines: “The Lost Art of the Thank You Card”

By Becky J. Miller

Call me old fashioned, but I remember a time when thank you cards were the rule rather than the exception.  It was a commonly understand sequence of events, if someone went out of their way to attend a celebration and/or give you a gift; you took the time to let them know how much you appreciated their thoughtfulness via a handwritten thank you card.  How, why and when did that practice become extinct?

My life outlook can sometimes be cynical, but sadly the skeptic in me is often accurate.  There is this strange dichotomy that occurs between reality and the opening of gifts at events such as birthday parties, wedding showers, baby showers, graduations, et cetera.  I’m always amused at these functions because it never seems to fail; someone in attendance dutifully records the gifts with their giver, but rarely is there a manifestation of gratitude in the form of a thank you card.

As someone who’s Mama taught her the importance of sending thank you cards, I simply cannot understand why the practice is so uncommon.  Miss Manners is not happy, y’all!!!

Let’s put this in perspective.  The giver of gifts is under absolutely no obligation to either attend the celebratory function or spend their hard earned money on you, they chose to.  You are of such value to them, that not only did they put aside whatever other plans they might have had, but they also thoughtfully chose to enhance your special event with a caringly selected or handmade trinket.

Given this exhibition of selfless behavior, why is there no reciprocation via a thank you card?  Yes, maybe you said it verbally, but somehow, taking the time to put it to pen and paper is a much deeper expression and lets the giver know you are genuinely appreciative.

What if the item is hideous and you hate it?  The depth of your like is irrelevant, what matters here is acknowledging their act of kindness.  Giving is as easy for me as breathing, it just comes naturally.  I can walk into a store without specific plans to purchase a gift and walk out with something I want to give someone.  I get so excited wrapping that item and thinking of the recipient and when I get an actual thank you card, that joy is intensified and it keeps the cycle of giving in motion.

Generally speaking, gifts are not bestowed for the purpose of recognition, but the feeling of appreciation a thank you card brings is unmatched.  Honestly, there are people who I have stopped giving to simply because they never said thank you.  It hurts my heart in two ways, first I love to give and second they obviously do not care so why bother?

My kids despised writing thank you cards, sometimes it was an all out battle to get them to take the thirty minutes to sit down and write a simple note, but it was a battle I willingly fought.  To this day I still write thank you cards to my own parents, even when I just stay at their house for the weekend.  Why you ask?  Because I appreciate the hospitality and I don’t ever want them to feel taken for granted.

The cost to you is minimal, maybe $5 for a package of cards, $8 for a book of stamps and a few minutes of your time, but the pay off for the recipient?  Priceless.  What do you say?  Let’s resurrect the lost art form of the thank you card.

Until Next Time,

Becky J Miller

“Warrior Princess”

Previous Comments:

Autumn Cotten: Yup I am guilty!!!!! I send birthday cards, Christmas cards but that is about it. I have never been one to send thank you cards, I guess I assumed a verbal ” thank you” was enough but after reading your column my assumption has changed.