Living Outside the Lines: 2-4-6-8 Who Do You Appreciate?

Appreciate can be defined different ways; “recognize the full worth,” “to be aware of something, or to understand that something is valuable,” or “to be grateful for something.”  The definition ought to be expanded to include that one may also appreciate not just something, but someone.  Appreciating beauty and value in things seems easy, but showing appreciation to beings comprised of flesh and blood can be a bit trickier, albeit vitally important.

Many of us recognize the five–stage model of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  According to Maslow’s theory, human needs exist in pyramid form, building up from the basic Biological and Physiological needs at the bottom to Safety needs, Love and Belongingness need, Esteem needs and finally Self-Actualization needs.   He theorizes that until an individual’s needs are fully met at each level, growth cannot occur.  It does stand to reason that if one is tired, hungry and cold one is unlikely to be interested in pursuing friendship and intimacy.

Maslow subdivides the second highest level Esteem Needs – achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, self-respect, respect from others into two subcategories: (a) need for strength, achievement, mastery and competence (b) need for reputation, status, recognition and appreciation.  According to Maslow, “fulfillment of these needs leads to a sense of self-confidence, worth, and value to the world” (Mcleod, S., 2016).

I love it when science backs up my hypothesis; it makes me feel like I just might have something between my ears besides empty space.  So, while you are free to disagree with my perspective, it’s a somewhat harder to discount Maslow’s.

Appreciation is a strong motivator and most humans’ function much better when fed liberal doses of its potent medicine.  Yours truly is no exception.  Based on my upbringing and personal moral code, I will generally do the right thing simply because I know it is what I should do.  However, there are times I get to the point of throwing my hands up and saying, “No one cares but me. This sucks.  I’m done.”

In my job, I am responsible for ensuring corporate compliance with state statutes and guidelines as it relates to sales tax exemptions in five different states.  The nature of the beast means that the decisions I make are often unpopular.  After all, who wants to be told, “This situation is noncompliant and must be corrected?” Absolutely no one!

Multiply these interactions across approximately ninety stores with five or more employees each, plus several hundred headquarters employees, or random customers, and there is potential for an extremely high volume of emails and phone calls from unhappy folks. There are days the stress exceeds what I feel I can reasonably handle then viola! Appreciation shows her pretty face, and all is right with the world again.

What’s particularly interesting about appreciation is sometimes it arrives from the unlikeliest of places.  One morning my work phone rang, I picked it up fully expecting to hear the voice of a frustrated store manager.  What I heard instead left me in tears.  This manager called simply to offer appreciation, not only for the job that I do, but to recognize how difficult that job is, and to compliment me on how well I perform it.

His words so impacted me that I was compelled to devote an entire column to the importance of appreciation.  My daddy used to tell me he wasn’t interested in what everyone else was doing, only what I was doing.  As an adult interacting with the world on a full-time basis, the spirit of his words still ring true:  I cannot control whether others express their appreciation to me, what I can control are my expressions of appreciation to those around me.

To whom can I show appreciation?  My manager who took me to lunch for my birthday, and to my co-workers who gave up whatever plans they might have had, and joined us.  I can offer thanks to the restaurant server who cleared the dirty dishes from our table after my husband I finished breakfast Saturday morning.  I can write a note of appreciation to the employee from another department who went above and beyond the norm to ensure I was able to complete a project.

Showing appreciation to others takes a bit of concerted effort, particularly if it is not a normal expression for you, but I promise, it won’t hurt a bit.  I will offer this warning, it can be addicting.  You may find that venturing outside of your comfort zone to appreciate someone else brings with it a great source of personal fulfillment or increased self-worth as Maslow would have it.

In conclusion, I offer this simple chant; “2-4-6-8 Who Can You Appreciate??”

Until Next Time,

Becky J Miller

“Warrior Princess”