Living Outside the Lines: “Love & Record Keeping”

by, Becky J Miller

“Forgive and forget.” What does that phrase really mean? Forgiveness, though often difficult to grant, is by far easier, in most cases, than forgetting. Short of having a lobotomy, which has been medically proven to be a really bad idea, how does one go about forgetting an injustice?

Anyone who spent their childhood in Sunday school likely recognizes 1 Corinthians 13 as the love chapter, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13&version=NLT. There is a particular verse in that chapter that often leaves me well, displeased with my behavior, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”

Easy words to live by, right? Au contraire. The phrase that stops me every time, “keeps no record of being wronged.” You see, I am an excellent record keeper. Moving on from a hurt is relatively easy for me, some hurts take a little longer to heal than others, but I generally recover quickly. Forgetting though, not so much.

Just as my mental Rolodex keeps records of commercial jingles long since forgotten by others, it also stores vivid archives of who, what, when and how I was wronged. Even when the sting of the hurt is no longer present, the memory is easily triggered and relived. I despise this part of me, I wish it gone, but I’ve no idea how to crucify it.

As I sit typing this column, two significantly hurtful events easily come to mind. Both wounds inflicted by those close to me, one almost thirty years ago, and one a bit more recent. I would like to say these incidents do not color my relationships with the parties, but sadly they do. As a result, trust does not come easily for me.

How can I trust anyone to be there for me, when someone who was supposed to love me wasn’t? How I can trust anyone to think of me and do the right thing when someone who was supposed to care didn’t? Willie Nelson got it right when he said, “Forgiving you was easy, but forgetting seems to take the longest time.” Glad to know I’m not the only one who struggles with forgetting.

Maybe we never completely forget, but instead, learn from the mistakes of others, and use their bad examples to ensure we never treat people in the same manner as our offenders. For example, if a big event in your life is overlooked rather than celebrated, be cognizant of the milestones of those within your circles and do everything in your power to recognize those achievements and triumphs. Taking the focus off ourselves and placing it on someone else automatically moves us closer to forgetting the wrong.

Love and record keeping, I’m working on it. If anyone discovers a secret cure, please be sure to let me know.

Until Next Time,

Becky J Miller

“Warrior Princess”