Living Outside The Lines: Losing My Religion, Or Possibly Myself

Opportunity presented itself via Starbucks cake pops!! I joyfully purchased three different flavors, excited to give my co-worker a treat she wouldn’t likely get anywhere else. Who knew how quickly my elated smile would turn to tears.

By, Becky J Miller

Have you ever just come to an abrupt stop and wondered, “What the h–l am I doing here?” Or thought, “Why, why, why, why, why??” Maybe you’ve found yourself hands covering your face, just shaking your head? Perhaps you find that the most random statements or events easily trigger tears?

Most of us would testify that these places are not so sought after vacation destinations we sometimes visit, and that’s okay. The problems begin once we take up residence there.

Although probably not the truth, I like to tell myself my life is complicated, more complicated than most. It’s not that I long to reign as “Queen Complicated”, it just seems that I cannot escape the title. As I gaze across the vast kingdom, it seems deserted. So, I wonder, what secrets do others possess that I’ve yet to unlock?

Why does it seem my world holds constant turmoil? I’m not a stir up drama kind of gal, and yet frustration is my constant companion. Please do not misunderstand the intention of this column, it is not for the purpose of a pity-party; more of a thinking aloud trouble shooting type of situation.

Before saddling me with any unpleasant adjective, keep reading. My current agitation stems from a desire to make a co-worker feel special on her birthday. She was sharing her unhappiness that it seemed her family all had other plans on her birthday weekend, and since I love to leave little gifts/surprises for people, a plan was formulated.

Since choices are limited in a small town, I’d hoped to find something on our trip to Abilene over the weekend. Opportunity presented itself via Starbucks cake pops!! I joyfully purchased three different flavors, excited to give my co-worker a treat she wouldn’t likely get anywhere else. Who knew how quickly my elated smile would turn to tears.

Temperatures in Abilene were hovering in the low 50’s when we left around noon, but expected to reach 100 by the time we arrived in Beeville. We watched the car thermometer climb with each passing mile. About two hours from home, the air condition quit blowing cold air. Even with the windows down, the air was stifling.

Miraculously, after two sweat soaked hours of travel, the air conditioner began blowing refrigerated air once again. Although miserable and grumpy by now, my husband and I survived, but sadly, the cake pops did not fare so well. I was crushed. There was no way to replace them.

To most people melted cake pops probably seem insignificant, but to me they represented the loss of one more little piece of me. Extreme I know, but it’s just one more thing in a very long list of chronic roadblocks I find myself confronting in this season of my life.

Was I able to find a suitable replacement for the cake pops? Sort of. Rather than a dozen different cupcake flavors to choose from, the HEB bakery in Beeville had two, and a ready-made flower arrangements with a birthday balloon tucked inside? None. I ended up buying a Mother’s Day plant and “un-mothering” it.

The steady flow of disappointment and “are you serious??” situations makes it tempting to shut down hope, and increases the desire to quit trying. If I were to completely lose my religion, where would that leave me? An empty shell of my former self and I’ve overcome entirely too many obstacles in my life to give up now.

So, since throwing in the towel is not an option, I’ve no choice except to continue fighting to find ways to remain true to myself, even when things don’t go as planned. Hopefully you’ll do the same!

Until Next Time,

Becky J Miller ~ Warrior Princess

Becky J Miller is a contributor and is exclusive to SM Corridor News. You can read more of Becky’s columns in Lifestyle.