Living Outside The Lines: Chronicles From The Edge
And Diary, there are so many restaurants and foods I’m homesick for… Tortilla soup. I sure miss Garcia’s restaurant!! Gumby’s pizza rolls. Nothing compares. Torchy’s queso. Mmmm.
Today I passed a sign in Wal-Mart that said, “35 days until Christmas.” It made me sad. I’ve lived in a hotel for ten months now, so I fear there will be no Christmas as I’ve come to expect it. Normally my Christmas tree and decorations are on display by Thanksgiving, but this year they languish in a storage shed. At this point, I sort of don’t care. Oh, I’ll cry on December 25 if we are still living in a hotel, but what else can I do?
Since we no longer have a place to call home, my youngest son stayed with friends during his Thanksgiving break. Sure, we saw him on Turkey Day, but it wasn’t the same as seeing his dimple cheeked grin, and being treated to his strong, warm, hugs every day.
This season of life really stinks. Where do I request a “do over”? I don’t mean to whine. I’m trying to be strong, but it’s hard. Each day I struggle to find the positive, and each day I come up short. My “thankful list” seems woefully inadequate.
Division III college football season is over, so no more weekend treks to see my baby boy play football in Abilene. Those trips served multiple purposes; a break from hotel life, an opportunity to see my son and watch him play the game he loves, plus there is always Starbucks coffee.
By now, I really should have started Christmas shopping. Normally by November I’ve finished, but this year I just have no motivation. Hopefully kids won’t mind cash and my family won’t disown me when I show up to the family gatherings empty handed.
Everyday there are new challenges at work, and most days I wonder how I am going to accomplish all that needs to be done. I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out.
I know I sound pathetic, but Diary, it’s your job to just be there for me to vent, no judgment.
A good friend lost his mother recently and I’m not there to hug him. Offering support from afar is not the same. Text messages just seem to echo hollowly.
I want my Mommy, but when you’re 50, there really isn’t much she can do; a Band-Aid and a kiss just don’t accomplish what they seemed to when I was 6.
And Diary, there are so many restaurants and foods I’m homesick for… Tortilla soup. I sure miss Garcia’s restaurant!! Gumby’s pizza rolls. Nothing compares. Torchy’s queso. Mmmm. Let’s not forget prickly pear margaritas from Chimy’s. No, I’m not hungry per say, just hungry for the things I can’t have. I guess that is our human nature though, to want what we can’t have. We’d likely be a more cheerful species if we could find contentment.
A friend, who’d tried unsuccessfully for several years to have a child, just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I wasn’t there for her pregnancy, I couldn’t make her baby shower, and I’ve yet to meet the precious baby she so longed for. I missed out on such a special time in her life.
Ever patient Diary, yes, there are things to be thankful for; tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Oh shut up!!! I’m trying…. Okay, okay. Yes, I did get to make a trip to Portland, Oregon to see my son play in round one of his school’s divisional football playoffs. The trip was great! Oregon is gorgeous, we enjoyed some cooler temperatures, and spent the night with friends we hadn’t seen in five years.
Yes, my new job offers THREE paid days off for Thanksgiving. I’m accustomed to only one. Every. Single. One of them was fabulous, if for no other reason than sleep. #noalarm Oh my goodness, you are a pushy Diary. Yes, there was also plenty of delicious food, plus time spent with family.
Don’t think I can’t see what you are doing here, you’re not so sly Diary; trying to turn my pity party inside out. WELL!! You may have succeeded. Yes, life is hard. Yes, there are many struggles. But also yes, there are moments to celebrate, reasons for joy.
So, Dear Diary, for today, you have succeeded, I may have gotten my money’s worth out of you. Thank you. I’ll be back tomorrow. Consequently, I hope you’re ready for another challenge.
Until Next Time,
Becky J Miller ~ “Warrior Princess”
Becky J Miller is a contributor and is exclusive to SM Corridor News. You can read more of Becky’s columns in Lifestyle.
