Living Outside The Lines: Need Hairapy?

She tried, but bless her heart, wrestling alligators might have been easier than trying to tame the unknown jungle also known as my hair. Rumor has it there is a cousin in the family tree with very tight curls…

Becky J Miller | Exclusive to Corridor News

According to Urban dictionary “hairapy” means “going to get your hair done as a form of therapy that is especially effective when your hairdresser listens unconditionally and doesn’t hand out stupid advice.” However in Becky’s World, “hairapy” is a bit more serious. My thoughts on hairapy run something like this, “Oh honey, your hair needs some dedicated attention, here, let me help you.”

Now, before anyone goes getting his or her knickers in a knot thinking I’m passing judgment on personal style, I am not. Style and color are unique to each individual. I’m talking more about hair health. Hmm… hair health is not a commonly discussed subject, but it probably should be. Will unhealthy hair kill you? Not likely, but unless genuine health issues are the root cause of unhealthy hair, there’s no reason for anyone to suffer from this ugly and somewhat embarrassing condition.

Why do I care? Well, having naturally curly hair, I understand hair drama. I’m not sure exactly when the crazy, kinky, curls appeared, but they did. Pictures from the early years of my life show an adorable (if I do say so myself) platinum blonde with maybe a few waves. By the time I started kindergarten though, the change was obvious, those curls started making themselves known. By probably sixth grade, it seemed a hopeless battle.

Absolutely NO ONE in my family has hair like mine! My mom has lovely waves that require little more than shampoo and a comb. She tried, but bless her heart, wrestling alligators might have been easier than trying to tame the unknown jungle also known as my hair. Rumor has it there is a cousin in the family tree with very tight curls. My hair must be a wicked mix of hers and momma’s.

I’m not sure how long it might have otherwise taken me to figure out my hair was different from everyone else’s, but some dear sweet fourth grade girl so kindly pointed it out to me. Over forty years later, I still vividly recall the event, so don’t let anyone tell you words don’t hurt, they do.

It was lunchtime at school. I was innocently carrying my tray to a table when some girl with straight brown hair and a mole above her lip got in my face and said, “Ha, ha, you’ve got messy hair.” I. Was. Devastated. To this day I carry an “emergency hair repair kit.” The kit contains, bobby pins, elastic ponytail holders, hair spray, mousse, and I never leave home without it.

My thirties were when I finally began to not only appreciate my curly hair, but also understand how to care for it. I spent years getting layers cut into it because I thought it would tame the curls and make them lay more smoothly. It didn’t. The short layers don’t play well with humidity, and without proper attention, the curls quickly turn into a frizzy mess.

Currently my hairstyle is all one length, past the shoulders, and highly flammable. I’m not kidding. In 2012, after the car accident where I broke my neck, family and friends had to assist with my personal grooming during my reign as Titanium Halo Queen. As I walked each of them through the grueling hair regime, the same question was asked; “Seriously, you use ALL of these products, AT THE SAME TIME??”

That question coming from my husband surprised me the most. “Are you for real? You wake up with me every day, and see the Medusa snake hair.” “How do you think I get from there to presentable?” It takes serious work, and much highly flammable product.

I’ve not taken the time to add up my annual hair care budget, but I’m sure the dollars spent could significantly reduce the national debt. Oh, there’s the normal every other day shampoo and conditioner, plus deep conditioning treatments once a month. On non-shampoo days, my hair still gets treated with conditioner that I don’t rinse out. That’s right, rinse out condition becomes leave in conditioner.

After my shower the mop is generally doused with Aussie spray in/leave in conditioner. The conditioner gets combined through before the Garnier Hair Serum is applied. After the serum it’s Herbal Essences Mousse topped by Aussie Mousse. Next comes Garnier and Aussie hair sprays. You think I’m kidding? I’m not. I never joke about hair care.

Ask me how I concocted this magical hair recipe. Go ahead. I’ve no idea. Honestly, I’ve done it for so long I can’t remember why I started. All I know is that it works. A stylist at the Embassy Suites Spa/Salon in San Marcos shared this secret, a little conditioner applied to dry ends works wonders. She was right.

I use neither a hair dryer nor a straightener, so I’ve no idea how my ends get so dried out, but they do. A bit of conditioner on the ends perks them right up though.

So, when I say someone needs “hairapy”, I completely feel I’m speaking as a qualified professional.

Until Next Time,
Becky J Miller
“Warrior Princess”

Becky J Miller is a contributor and is exclusive to SM Corridor News. You can read more of Becky’s columns in Lifestyle.