Living Outside the Lines: “Thunder Rolls”

Fear is a powerful emotion that each of us has experienced at some point in our lifetime. Some of us are good at managing fear and others easily succumb to the panic mode fear brings.

Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines fear as, “A painful emotion or passion excited by an expectation of evil, or the apprehension of impending danger. Fear expresses less apprehension than dread, and dread less than terror and fright. The force of this passion, beginning with the most moderate degree, may be thus expressed, fear dread, terror, fright. Fear is accompanied with a desire to avoid or ward off the expected evil. Fear is an uneasiness of mind, upon the thought of future evil likely to befall us.”

My first memories of home are a quaint trailer park nestled amongst the large Azalea bushes on Bacon Bridge Road in Summerville, South Carolina. Those memories include Melissa, a friend down the street with whom I played Barbie’s and her mom, Bunny who made the best sweet tea; Mrs. Branten the park landlord with long black hair who let us play on the swing set in her backyard; digging for clay in the ditch behind our trailer and mixing leaf concoctions with blobs of the rich earth; and riding my bike to the park entrance to check the mail.

All of my memories from that trailer park are happy except for one; the distress that sometimes overwhelmed me in the inky darkness of my bedroom. My room was situated at the anterior of the trailer closest to the front door while my parents’ room was at the extreme rear of the structure. To get from my bedroom to theirs one had to pass through the living room, kitchen, and a hallway.

Strange & sometimes inexplicable behaviors often accompany fear and mine was no exception. Years later I can still recall waking from my sleep frightened. I was old enough to realize the unlikelihood of my mother hearing my cries from the other side of the trailer. Rather than suffering needlessly, I took action. Irrationally I crawled out of bed with my baby doll, wandering alone and frightened, guided only by the moon’s light to my parents’ bedroom.

My mother would gently & lovingly comfort me. Reassured that all was well, my doll and I made the long trek back to bed and our sweet dreams. To this day I cannot reconcile how fear prompted me to leave the security of my bed for a scary solo journey. If there were monsters in my room, logic dictates they would eat me before I escaped, right?

Humans are not the only creatures attacked by fear, animals can experience apprehension as well. Our dog, Bailey is terrified of both fireworks and thunderstorms. She too reacts in the most unusual manner.

Bailey’s fluffy dog bed stays in our room, which is where she generally sleeps at night, unless there are fireworks or thunder. Both of these occurrences will cause her to simultaneously pace and hyperventilate. There is no calming her. Normally she is not permitted on our bed, and the generous invitations issued during storms for her to join us are simply ignored. Why she leaves the security of her bed and refuses any comfort extended her is a mystery.

Is it fair to say that fear is irrational? Does the anticipation of impending danger make it any more or less likely to occur? Does the anticipation make us any more prepared should our fears be realized? I don’t know. I do think however, that we are capable of responding somewhat rationally in the face of fear. Is it easy? Nope. Is it possible? Yes.

So, the next time someone jumps out at you and yells, “Boo!” Instead of peeing your pants, punch ‘em in the face. I would call that a rational response. Wouldn’t you?

Until Next Time,

Becky J Miller

“Warrior Princess”