Recognizing Abusive Behaviors
By: Megan Osborne MEd, CHES HCWC Digital Educator in collaboration with Lauren Espinosa, HCWC Intern
The following article is part one of a five-week series focusing on raising awareness about domestic violence. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and we hope to educate our community on this very important issue. 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Locally, the Hays-Caldwell Women’s Center has been serving victims of domestic and dating violence, sexual assault, and child abuse since 1978. Last year, HCWC served 2,023 victims of abuse (face-to-face) primarily from Hays and Caldwell Counties. 836 of those were victims of domestic violence.
Domestic abuse varies dramatically in relationships, but the constant components are rooted in one person asserting power and control over the other. Domestic Violence comes in various forms including: physical, psychological, sexual, and financial abuse; being able to recognize the patterns of control are paramount in knowing if you are in an abusive relationship.
Physical abuse is someone using their body or objects to cause you physical harm such as hitting, slapping, kicking, pushing, pulling your hair, etc. It does not have to leave physical marks to be physical abuse. This also includes abuse that is directed at children, pets, or destroying property. Even if your partner is drunk and did not mean it, or if they “just got so angry they couldn’t control themselves” it is still physical abuse. If they cannot acknowledge that what they are doing is wrong, they are likely to continue doing it.
Psychological or verbal abuse is when a partner causes you harm through putting you down, isolating you, threatening you, gaslighting you (denying your reality), or manipulating you. With this type of abuse, you might find yourself neglecting your own needs for your partner, walking on eggshells, or agreeing to things that you do not want to do. Psychological abuse is the most common type of abuse and is often where abuse in a relationship will start.
Sexual abuse is any unwanted, non-consensual sexual contact against any individual by another using manipulation, pressure, tricks, coercion, or force. In a sexual context, consent is a freely given, enthusiastic yes, that is retractable. Sexual abuse can happen inside or outside of relationships, which is why communication about what you want and do not want is so important. You may be experiencing sexual abuse in your relationship if your partner demands sex when you are tired or have said no, insults you in sexual ways, ignores your feelings during sex, or intentionally hurts you during sex.
Financial abuse is when your partner has control over your finances. It can look like not allowing access to the bank account or controlling how much money you can have. Financial abuse can also look like opening credit cards in your name or intentionally damaging your credit. If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you may have to ask permission to spend money or feel like nothing belongs to you. Your partner may even interfere with your ability to make money. Financial abuse is another means to assert power and control over another person.
Abuse can be confusing because your partner may not always be abusive, there can be times when they are nice and loving. Sometimes you are unsure if you are experiencing abuse or not, “they are just having a bad day,” or “maybe I should have not brought that topic up.” It is important to remember that Abuse is never okay. As a community the more we can understand what these behaviors in unhealthy relationships look like we are better able to prevent them, recognize them, and offer appropriate support and resources to each other.
The Hays-Caldwell Women’s Center also offers support such as legal advocacy, emergency shelter, adult and child counseling, and support groups for victims of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and child abuse in English and Spanish. Additionally, the Hays-Caldwell Women’s Center provides a language line interpreter service, making it possible for individuals to call our 24-hour HELPLine in any language. If you or someone you know is in need of services, call our free and confidential 24-hour HELPLine at 512-396-HELP(4357) or visit our website at www.hcwc.org.
You say, “It is important to remember that Abuse is never okay” and conveniently omit how most women today are driven by the delusion of a “right” to use words they know will provoke a person to violence, whereby they next say, “NO. Violence is not an option. Just deal with it in a non-sexual non-aggressive way, okay?’ What planet are you from . . . ? When men use those kind of words on another man, they KNOW what to expect. Right or wrong, they know the outcome of those words and know what to expect.
This is where we get into the misconceptions of innocent women and sexuality. Women demand the right to show off their bodies. What reason could they have for wanting to do this, other than to manipulate men? Everywhere you look, it seems that Mama is going to show you her power. A woman is not innocent. She knows what she’s doing. She is able to see that men’s eyes are drawn to her body, she is able to see that it makes them uncomfortable, she is able to see that if she shows off her body, she gets completely different reactions from men. She understands all of that. Female sexual innocence is a stupid myth.
Same goes for all of the callous words a woman will use against a man to make him uncomfortable and hurt him. She will do it under some illusion that as a “woman” she is immune to consequences. Next, she hides behind the Oh boo hoo …..I’m so weak and he hit me.” No you are not weak, ma’m. Please spare me with the manipulative victim talk. The men I associate with are caring, considerate and aware of the boundaries and borders of appropriate speech and actions among the opposite sex. They seek like-minded females. You print stories like this that simply recycle the same old lies expecting a different outcome. In short, your “alternate facts” do not play well with reality based humans.
There is no gendered language in this article you are drawing conclusions that are not there.
That’s a lot of words to say you’re a pick me.
Chef must be looking for an “r” to go with his pick . . .say ah