Living Outside The Lines: “#Mystery Solved”
By no means am I trying to steal anyone’s paycheck, but I can proudly declare that I also have solved a few mysteries in my time.
by, Becky j Miller
Life is full of mysteries; things are difficult to explain or understand. There is even a list of the Top Twenty-Five greatest unsolved mysteries.
My personal favorite is the Bermuda Triangle; an expanse of ocean between the points of Miami, Bermuda and Puerto Rico that causes instruments to go haywire and ships to be lost at sea. Part of me is tempted to venture out to investigate, but the rational side of me says, ‘Nah, I’m good.’
Fortunately many mysteries are solvable, otherwise Sherlock Holmes, Nancy Drew, and Agatha Christie would be collecting unemployment checks. By no means am I trying to steal anyone’s paycheck, but I can proudly declare that I also have solved a few mysteries in my time.
Since I am certain everyone is waiting anxiously for me to share, I’ve complied a list:
- Marshmallow bunnies and chickens digested immediately before a strenuous workout will revolt, and they don’t taste the same on their way to the exit.
- Powdered sugar works wonders to eliminate pet odors, but leaves nasty carpet stains.
- Wearing shorts on a playground slide during a Texas summer definitely causes extreme, curse inducing discomfort.
- It is possible to get completely dressed for work, with the lights on, and yet still manage to put your undies on inside out. It is also possible to go running when it’s dark outside and fail to realize you put on two different shoes.
- You can shower, put on freshly laundered clothes, walk outside, come immediately back inside and the dog will still need to check you for identification, AKA sniff your butt.
- Taking care of business in the bathroom stall next to a co-worker is sometimes awkward, especially if your digestive system is being noisy. This situation is less embarrassing if you hide in the stale until they exit the bathroom, and hope they don’t recognize your shoes.
- If your drinking straw has a hole in it, covering the hole with scotch tape won’t make it work again.
- It is a proven fact; invisible obstacles on the floor do make people stumble, and inanimate objects will move suddenly causing humans harm.
See, mysteries solved. Aren’t you relieved? I am sure Sherlock, Nancy and Agatha are!
DISCLAIMER: The author may or may not have solved these mysteries on her own, completely by accident, or out of her own stupidity. It is entirely within the realm of possibility however, that the aforementioned knowledge was not gained by personal experience.
Until Next Time,
Becky J Miller
“Warrior Princess”
Becky J Miller is a contributor and is exclusive to SM Corridor News. You can read more of Becky’s columns in Lifestyle.
