Removing The Mask Of The Child Sexual Abuser

Nationally, 90% of children who are sexually abused are abused by someone known to them, NOT a stranger. And at HCWC, that number is even higher – closer to 99%…

By: Melissa G Rodriguez, Director of Community Partnerships

The following article is the fourth article of a five-week series focusing on raising awareness about sexual assault and child abuse. April is both Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Awareness month and it is our hope to educate our local community on these two very serious issues. 2 in 5 women and 1 in 5 men will experience a form of sexual assault in their lifetime. Locally, the Hays-Caldwell Women’s Center has been serving victims of domestic and dating violence, sexual assault and child abuse since 1978. Last year, HCWC served 1,877 victims of abuse (face-to-face) from Hays and Caldwell Counties. 746 of those were adult victims of sexual assault and 399 were victims of child abuse.

Recently HCWC co-hosted YouthFest 2018, a free family-friendly event that followed a children’s parade and several children’s performances. At our HCWC table, we had a spinning wheel game and some of the spaces were filled with questions about child abuse.

One particular question that clearly demonstrated that there is much work still to be done was: “are children more likely to be abused by a stranger or someone they know”. Every child that answered that question said the same thing: “a stranger”. Even some parents seemed uncomfortable when confronted with the true answer…”someone they know” is the most likely abuser of a child.

Nationally, 90% of children who are sexually abused are abused by someone known to them, NOT a stranger. And at HCWC, that number is even higher – closer to 99%.

So why do we insist on only teaching “Stranger Danger” while the reality is that kids are more at risk around those they love and care for most. It is truly an unsettling reality to consider and we understand that completely. To sit back and look around to those closest to you and consider that person possibly harming your child is completely terrifying.

It’s even more frightening to think about teaching our kids this reality. However, our children NEED us to push aside our fear and face this reality head on. But first, you must educate yourself and learn who exactly child sexual abusers are, what they look like and how they keep getting away with their crimes.

Grooming is the term used in the child sexual abuse field and is defined as “a process used by the abuser to establish the trust of the child and the trust of the child’s parents or guardians as well.

According to the Hero Project, predators will usually try and gain access to a child by grooming the parents” (source: https://child-abuse.laws.com/child-grooming). Abusers use this method to cover up their intentions and it can be confusing and shameful for the child when sexual abuse takes place.

They don’t understand why someone who loves and cares for them would betray that trust and abuse them. They are also scared that no one will believe them because of that established relationship. Abusers are manipulative and often appear like “good” people. Kids doubt their feelings about the abuse and feel like they will not be believed. 

It is the combination of this that abusers rely on to mask their criminal and traumatizing behavior. Think of Jerry Sandusky for example.

To the public eye, he was a respected winning coach at one of the top college football programs who also started a worthy charity (Second Mile) that served at-risk youth by providing mentors and opportunities otherwise unattainable to them. He was married and a father of six adopted children.

To the world, he was the epitome of a “good respectable man” but behind this guise, he hid an awful secret life that finally came to the forefront. He was convicted on 45 counts of sexually abusing young boys over a 15-year period. There were also more victims that came forward from even before this time period.

Then there are those local stories that don’t make national headlines. Here in Hays and Caldwell County, there have been many criminal convictions of biological fathers, step-fathers, uncles, grandfathers, coach, youth pastor and even a mother of the victim’s friend.

All were found guilty of child sexual abuse crimes with punishments ranging from probation to multiple life sentences. All of these perpetrators were seen as “good” people by those around them. They were locals who live in our neighborhoods, work in local businesses, attend our schools – not strangers to the children they abused.  

So, how do we actually help our children? First, if you hear or know a child has been abused – believe them and report it to local authorities. In Texas, everyone over the age of 18 is a MANDATED reporter which means we are all legally required to report any suspected abuse.

As long as you act in good faith, you don’t have to know unequivocally abuse has occurred; you only have to suspect it. Leave it to the trained professionals to do their jobs and investigate the allegations. Second, talk to the children in your life.

Let them know that NO ONE, not even someone they know, is ever allowed to touch them inappropriately or make them keep secrets. Talk to them about body safety and seek resources if you need help starting that conversation.

Remind them often that no matter what, you will ALWAYS believe and protect them. Finally, adopting these practices unfortunately doesn’t 100% ensure that your children will not be harmed or abused, but if they feel safe, knowledgeable and educated they’re more likely to let someone they trust know what is happening.

The only 100% way to prevent child sexual abuse is to remove the mask of the abuser, hold them accountable and make it less likely they will continue their behavior.

If you suspect a child you know is being abused, report to the statewide child abuse hotline at 1-800-252-5400 or online at www.txabusehotline.org or to your local law enforcement agency.

HCWC’s children’s advocacy center, Roxanne’s House, provides services to local victims of child abuse such as forensic interviews, counseling, family advocacy and coordinates efforts with local law enforcement, CPS (Child Protective Services), CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) and district attorney’s offices.

For more information about services, please call HCWC at (512)396-4357 or visit www.hcwc.org. You can also visit our educational website www.StopTheHurt.org for more education on abuse issues and resources.