The Effects of Domestic Violence

Derrik, age 10, is often aggressive towards his younger siblings and defiant at school. Julia, age 8, is always eager to please adults and be helpful. Juan, age 3.5, frequently complains that his tummy hurts, and he has recently begun wetting his pants despite having been toilet trained for months. Cara, age 7, is easily startled, constantly worried about robbers invading the house, and rarely sleeps through the night.

What do all these children have in common? They are all child witnesses of domestic violence. Children who have witnessed domestic violence in their homes can exhibit a wide variety of reactions, according to temperament, age/developmental level, and individual circumstances. What research tells us, however, is that witnessing domestic violence is just as traumatic for children as being the direct victim.

To understand why, imagine you were given a horrible choice: either you would personally experience a traumatic event yourself, or you would be forced to watch while a person you deeply love and depend on was traumatized. Which would you choose? Children who witness a parent being berated, yelled at, threatened or physically assaulted are powerless to prevent or stop the violence. As a result, these children feel a deep sense of helplessness along with fear, confusion, shock, and/or anger.

In addition to the immediate effects, witnessing domestic violence has long term consequences. The cycle of abuse is well documented. We know that, without intervention, children who witness domestic violence are much more likely to become victims or abusers in future adult relationships. They repeat the same relationship patterns they observed as children, proving the old saying “It’s not what you want. It’s what you know.”

So, are child witnesses of domestic violence doomed to experience unhealthy relationships and harmful aftereffects for their entire lives? The answer is a resounding NO!

As challenging as experiencing a traumatizing event can be, what matters most is the response to the trauma. If your child has witnessed domestic violence, you can help them by talking honestly on an age-appropriate level about the event(s). Help your child name his/her feelings regarding the violence. Acknowledge that we can have more than one feeling at the same time and that we can love someone while still being upset with their actions. Tell your child the violence was not their fault. Safety plan with children by teaching them how to call 911 and how to stay safe when adults fight.

HCWC provides free counseling services to child witnesses of abuse and their non-offending parent. Individual counseling, either play therapy for younger children or talk therapy for older children and parents, can provide a safe space for everyone to process the aftermath of the abuse, tell his or her own story, and learn healthy relationship skills. Group counseling for parents and children can also provide valuable peer support.  The important themes in all of these interventions are teaching healthy ways to deal with feelings and relate to others while restoring a sense of safety for children.

Another way you can be proactive in taking a stand against domestic violence is to consider getting involved in YOUR community. Our 2015 Hero Sponsor, R.P. Constructors, Inc. is one of our business partners that supported HCWC’s biggest fundraiser, our Annual Live and Silent Auction which will be held again on April 2, 2016. For more information, please call HCWC at (512) 396-3404 or visit www.hcwc.org